hello! welcome to my new stories page! started on 1/11/08! so please read my stories!

please select the song that you want below or just let it play! so please read some stories below and listen to some music at the same time! try it ! its fun trust me!

the computer fight!

"yo! what are you doing in my office!" mr.norman said! "well i was just trying to hack into your computer and steel all your personal information! but i can't find out your password! ...what is it!" "your a discrace! get the hell out of my work station now befour i kick your ask!" " ohh! sorry mr.norman"! mr.robenson said. "well get back to where your soppost to be pronto"! mr.norman said... sternly. then later that day at 3:00 pm mr.robenson was over there at his work station again! then this time he got in because he left his computer unlocked. so he looked in all his files and found some startling information! like some real personal information and that was porno! and as soon as he began to enjoy looking at it  he heard a voice that was so loud it made him jump up from his seat and when he did he peed him self a little! and the voice said..."HEY!!!!! ...i told you earlier to get awayfrom my computer you spy! you usless hacker! i hate you you ugly peice of worn out tire tread"! "ohhh! im so sorry mr.norman! i was just"..."just what! loking at porno! you sick pervert! well guess what if i catch you over here again i am going to fire you"! " nono! please don't fire me! i don't want to get burned!..."no you ideit! you will never be able to work here ever again if you ever com over here again"! "ohhh! ok mr.norman! i will never try to look at your porno pitcures again and i will never try to change the password on your computer ever again and and uh...um...and i will never try to look at your personal files again mam"!. "mam!...you think im a women you sick ugly peice of car seat"!... " ok mr.norman! im leaving now"!

THE BAD KID.

"honey".mom said to mark." yes mother"! mark shouted. "come here im going out. let me give you a kiss befour i leave". mom said to mark sweatly. "ohh mom! don't you think alittle old fo that"! mark complained to his mom. "ohh honey your never to old to give your momey a kiss". mom said to mark so soft and sweatly. "ohh ok mom". mark said unhapply. "ok well don't let anybody in the house wile im gone ok honey"! mom said seriously. "fine mom". mark said to his mom. then 2 hours later mark said to him self "hey! im board! so why don't i steel something"! mark said to him self. so he went to walmart and went to the candy isle and said to him self " uummmmmm! i love snickers"! so he ripped the bag open and stole a whole pocket full of candy! then he started taking more when someone walked past him in the outher isle and sal him stelling so they told a person at the counter! and they caught him walking out the door and they ran after him and he started to run! and he said to him self! " ohh no! what if my mom finds out that i went to walmart and stole"! so he ran around the courner and hid behind a dumpster! and the guy ran past him and diden't see him and the guy kept running! so he started to laugh and he walked home 10 minutes later and when he got home he went over his friends house. and he told his friend what he did. and then they went back to steel again but when they  were on there bikes the cops drove by and the cop stoped and asked him if was at walmart and where he was going.so he said no and he said he was going to his aunts house. and the cop beleved him and then when his mom came home she kissed him and they lived happly everly after!...the end

THE CAR!

evens dad was watching tv on saterday and 1/19/08 and says to him self " i think im going to have a beer"! so he gets up and gets a beer and befour he knows it that beer is gone so he says to him self " wow! that beer was so great! i think im going to have anouther 1"! so he gets anouther 1 and again he drinks the beer and gets anouther 1. then befour he knows it he has drank 11 beers and is disey. so his girlfriend brittney called him on the phone. then she tells him to come to the party that is 120 miles away! so he gets ready and brings 10 6packs of beer with him and puts it in the trunk then he says to him self " ait i forgetting something". then he rembers his son even! so he walks into the house and screams "hey! what are you doing even" evens dad called. "ohh! im poopin!" even shouted. "well hurry up! im late for the party! and i was sopposed to be there 1 hour ago! evens dad shouted very loudly! " oh well! go then! i don't even want to go anyway!" even yelled at his father loudly. then 30 minutes later even finnly got done poopin!  then when he went down stairs his dad  was asleep on the couch. so even said "dad. wake up. ive been ready for an hour now so get up right now!". even said very stifly. then his dad woke up and looked at his watch. then he said " oh my god! im so damn late and my girl is going to beat my car" dad said so loudly and madly. then even said "what girl"? then his dad said " ohh! haha uh your mom of course! evens dad said very quietly and nervesly. then when they got into the car the car started smoking. then his dad said "ooooohhhhhhh! my god!!!!! i can't beleve this rubbish! first im late for the party and now my car brakes down! ahahahahahahahahahah! i can't beleve this" evens dad shouted at the top of his lungs and started to cry as he said it. then evens dad tries to blame even for braking the car. so evens dad says " you stupid little brat! you brake my engine so i would be even later for the party! diden't you! you retarded spoiled rotton little brat"! so then evens dad gets out and opens the hood f the brand new 2008 honda civic and see's that his car was leaking anti freeze! and he says to him self in his head "well we have allready came 75 miles. so i don't see why we can'y make it 45 more". so he drives the car with smok comming from under the hood and then his son even says " i smell beer". so his dad says "cool...uh where could that be comming from"? then even replies " no way! you egyption retard! you drank beer befor we left"! even shouted angerly. then his dad replies " yes...yes i did...i think". then even notices the car making noise now and says " dad do you see the smoke in front of the car"! then his dad replies " what smoke! thats dut in the air"! don't you try to put garbage in my head brat"! then the car stalles and the car begines to slow down so his dad says " why the hell is this car going so slow! well i guess im just going to have to floor it then"! so when he did that alot of gas went into the very hot engine and then suddenly the gas egnited in the engine! then the front of the car cought on fire and even screams " dad the cars on fire"! then his dad says "what! oohhhh! my god"! so they pull over and the cops come! and the cop see's that evens dad is drunk so he tells him to pop the trunk. then when he did the cop started cracking up laughing! and then he says "put your hands up and get on your knees"! then his dad says "no"! so when him and the cop get to the police station evens mom is there and they pick them up and...the end...........

THE SCHOOL TROUBLE...

tim went to school in a bad mood this morning on saterday 19 of 2008! and then he tells his mom to shut up and his mom slaps him across the face and he cies! then when he goes to school him and anouther friend begin throwing paper balls. then his friend jake says "lets throw them at  the teacher"! so they each throw a paper ball at the teacher and the teacher turns around and says " who threw it"! and nobody says anything so she turns around again. so then tim decides to throw a whole peice of paper at the teacher. so he crumbles it up and hucks it at the teachers butt! and the teacher screams " hey! now i had enough of your rudeness" the teacher yells at the class. so then tim decides to burp real loud and make every1 laugh. so when he does the teacher says " ya know...i really have had enough of all this crap! so im just going to stand here and stare at you's allday! and maybe you guys should learn some manners too" the teacher said walking out the door. then a girl sitting next to tim sticks her finger down her throat and throws up all over the floor. and then tim throws all over the floor as the teacher walks into the classroom with the princable. then the teacher looks so suprised! so she says " ha............i can't beleve it......." so the princable steps in and says "tim your going to be cleaning this floor and the lunchroom floor after school no exceptions and no excuses" so after school tim tries to run out of school early so he doesen't have to clean and when he does he see's some really big kids who hate him! so then they beat him up and thow him in a dumpster. then he goes back o school the next morning. so the princable says really loud " i see you got your self into some trouble i see! well you going to be dealing with somemore trouble cause you walked off school gounds befour school hours where over. so the police are on there way to pck you up". and he goes to jail and excapes and lives happly ever after in irland...the end............

THE BAD MIRROR!...

beeep! beep! beep beep beep!!! jakes evil alarm clock went off at 6:30 am! "uuuugggghhhhhh! you mean alarm clock! im going to smash you with my pretty voice!" jake said in a serious voice. "ok i need a hair cut now! so im going to go to the bathroom and cut my hair!" jake said to himself as he got out of bed! "ok where do i have to cut away!...everyware!" so jke began citting away some of his hair and made a mistake and made a big bad bold spot  and said "oh my god! i mesed up my poor hair! ohhno! what am i gona do now!?" so jake just stoped cutting his hair and went down stairs and said "mom!...your ugly so go take a bath you dirty battery!" jake said in his loud voice! "Excuse me! just who do you think you are you little brat!...huuuuuuuuhhh! what did you do to your hair honey!?" jakes mom asked so sweatly to her little braty son. "I cut it and the mirror messed me up! jake lied and blamed it on the poor mirror! "haha! your such a lier and your gounded till your hair grows back!" jakes mom threatened to her little son. "nono! thats not fair though mom! ya know what! i hate you because that mirror messed my hair up and you beleve the mirror!" but jake went to school with his ugly hair and all the kids picked on him and 1 kid said " hey! your hair is uglyer than my grandmas brown smelly teeth!" so jake retalieted and punched the fat chump in the face 7 times and gave him a bloody nose! and the fat kid started to cry and jake started to laugh! so the teacher comes over and said "stop it stop it! what do you stupid kids think your doing in my violent free classroom! your both going to the princables office!" so jake went to the princables office and the big fat kid farted and said that his lunch made him sick so he went home and jake cursed at the princable and got suspended for 4 days and said it was the mirrors fault because it messed up his hair! so then he picked up a pen and tried to stab the princable and he grabed him and threw him on the floor and said "your going to jail you stupid little kid! and ill make shure of that!" so jake went to jail and cried and the big people asked him why he was in there and he said  it was the mirrors fault! so they beat him up and he went to the hospital in the prisen! then his mom bailed him out for 25,000 dollors!.........the end........

THE BIKES FAULT!!!

Keith woke up in the morning and started talking to his alarm clock! he said "ohhhhh! good morning my honey! i missed you wile i was asleep! haha". Then Keith went down stairs and fell down the steps and laughed! and his mom laughed at him and he got mad and threw his lamp down the steps for no reason! and he decided to plug it in! so he plugs it in and it sparkes and he gets scared and runns away for his dear life! he says "cool! i think ill do this more often"! so he unplugs it and goes out side and he fixes his bike because his chain is loose! so he grabs some tools and takes off the bolts and says "what am i going to do now! i don't know how to tighten my chain! wait! never mind! thats right"! so he tightens it an goes to school and the chain pops off and he can't get it on! so he sits there for 2 hours trying to put it on then finnaly he puts it on and rides more and then it pops off again! so then he looks at his watch! and he says "oh my god! im 2 hours late for school! im going to get in trouble"! so he decides to fix it again but ride fast and it works fine for awile and then it pops again and he hit his knee on the handle bars and falls and crashes into a parked car! and the old people that own the car see what happened! so they yell" huh! that stupid little boy hit our machine! im going to kill him! he scratched my 20 thousand dollor machine! i can't beleve it! im calling the cops on you you dum little kid! your mom is going to pay me alot of money because im sewing and pressing charges if i can! your going to be sorry!" so then he puts the chain back on and he goes to school and his teacher says "well look who made it! im surprised! but your getting an f on your lesson! i don't like tartieness young man!" so he startes yelling at his teacher and says "i don't care if im late because im not comming tommorow so i don't have to listen to you and do your retarded classwork! so you can give me an f because i like the letter f anyway! f i my faverate letter!" and the teacher looks at him so surprised because he was a straight a student and she says in a loud harsh voice " get up!...now! i am not going to have you disturbing my class!" so then the teacher tells him to go to the princables office and he walks out of the clasroom! so he goes towards the bathroom and changes his mind again! so then he goes to the gym and see's a litle kid! so he goes over and says "huh! you got candy...can i get some?" then the little kid says no! so then he gets very frustrated because the little brat diden't give him all of his candy! so he says " give me all your candy you little brat! you stupid little babies get everything you want! and im going to get something i want once in a wile!" so the little kid startes to cry so he punches him in the head and herts the little kid and runns! then he goes in the bathroom and stuff the toilet with toilet paper and keeps flushing it till it overflows all over the floor! then he starts to laugh! and he takes out a marker and writes on the wall! that he hates his teacher and all sorts of mean things about her! so then he laughes so hard and enjoys his bad behavor! then he slips on the wet floor and punches the mirror and brakes it nd gives out a little hehe! and laughs hard again! then he pulls out a lighter and starts burning some paper towels! and then the sprinklers start going off! then he says utohh! so he runns out of the bathroom and leaves the paper burning and then the trashcan cathes on fire! before you know it the sealing is on fire! and he ran out of the building! and hoped on his braoken bike and rode as fast as he could! but he forgot about the chain and it pops and he crashes into a fast moving car and he flys onto the side of the rode and gets up and runns! he is hurt bad but he doeen't care! so he see's a truck comming on the outher side of the road as the lady gets out of her car and he runs in frount of it and it runns him over and he dies!...the end 

THE HOUSE FOR SALE!!!

Jerry was selling his house on march 11 2008 and he brought a couple of people in. there was a kid and his punk friends peeing on the floor and trying to burn the house down! so they saw the people comming so they ran but the kid stayed. his name was henray. he left a giant fart when he was cleaning up the stuff and hid in the closet. the fart was silent though. but it was a sick 1! then he looked threw the crack in the door and the 2 people said "pue! whats that oder?!". the couple said! and the guy said "ummmmmm...i like that smell! don't you! but  i guess its outside!" then the lady said that she liked the house but the house had a weird aroma! so they diden't want it! then the next day the kid was there spray painting in the walls and the guy came there! he hid in the closet and lit a smoke bomb and hid it in the fridge! so they open th fridge and green smoke comes out and the guy starts coughing! so then he says "is this some kinda joke! huh! well i am going to sew you for all you got! plus this house smells..weird! and whats all this wrighting on the wall!? i don't want this putrid house! ewe! what was i thinking! ya know what! i have to go to the bathroom! wheres the bathroom wiseguy!" the angrey costumer said angerly! then the clerk said "its right up stairs on the left!" so they went upstairs and there was rat poop on the floor and there was poop in the toilet and it really stunk! then the clerk said " hey! wait a minute! that stuff wasen't in the toilet dismorning! some1's been in this house! aaarrrggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't beleve this!" then that night the kid pored gas all over the house and lit a match! then the house burned down. ...the end

THE JACKET!!!

vieto worked at the dry cleaning store! a guy with a bold head walked threw the door! he started drinking liquid and buped loud. then he yells at vieto and yells"i want this jacket washed right now! if i see a stain or a mark i will talk to your boss!" the guy said strongly and sternly to vieto. then vieto said ok! ill make shure it is perfect!" then he guy yells at vieto again right after he stops talking. he says "i don't want it perfect! i want it better than perfect!" then vieto replied "ok!". then the mad bold headed guy walled out the door! vieto felt so much better! then he looked at the old jacket! it had paint all o ver it and it was riped all over! the sleeve was missi g on the right arm and a pocket was torn! then vieto starts to laugh in amasment! then he throws the jacket in the washer and washes it was puts bleech on it to et the paint off it! so then he dies it tan again and soes it back togather! then 5 hours later the mean bold guy comes back and he says "wheres my jacket!" he screamed at the top of his lungs! then vieto gets mad and says " it right here!" he said loudly. then the guy got in his face and he narrowed his eyes at vieto! so vieto says "get out of my face!" then the guy says "your in my face!" then vieto says " get out!" then the guys face grew bight red! he justv stared at vieto with his narrowed a ittle! then vieto narrowed his a little! then the guy jumps over the counter and starte beating vieto and vieto screams in pain! then the guy stoped and vieto said "i had enough!" so vieto grabs a baseball bat and beats him over the head! then he runns and goes home! ...the end

THE THIEF!!!

frank worked at a corner store and he had very low prices! he loved to work at his store! a lady came in and asked for some ciggerets and he said he doesen't sell ciggerets! so she said " ok well then il go someware else and buy ciggerents bum!" then the next day some kids come in after school and 1 gets cought steeling! frank sal a kid steeling soup and gum! then he took a slim jim! then he took a hershey bar and then he took a pack of gum! then frank said " hey! put all those items back or ill call the cops! now boy!" then the kid looked at him staright in the eye and said "no!" then the kid ran nd frank ran after him and some outher kids came in and robed the cash regesture and broke the camera before they did it! then they knocked all the stuff off the shelves and ruined the store! then they cut the powr wire in the back of the store! then it sparked and it knocked all the eletric on the whole block! then all the mik and icecream went bad and the thief stabbed frank and the kid and his friends locked him up in there basement and held him hostage! then they kept him downthere for 2 years and then he died!...the end

MY  BIG MOUTH!!!

mary has a reall big mouth! she constantly talks an gets in everybodys bussness and comments on there words they speak in there conversation.so kate and kim are talking about how a big gigantic gas tank exploded 48 years ago. and mary buts in and yells "where..where did that big gas tank expode! i heard that gas is made of oil and oil is made from dirt! and dirt is poluted!" mary yels excidetly. then kim says "shut up!.. you are so annoying! you really need to mind your bussness cause your like a dirty door! you just make me sick!" then mary says "thanx! thatmade my day!" and she walks away! so her teacher gets a phone call and she listens to what she is saying then kim says "stop listening to her! its none of your bussness what she is talking about you flat tire!" then the teacher hangs up the phone and says "where you listening to my phone conversations again mrs.nosey?" then the whole class laughed and she got up and punched kim in the hair and kim takes her note book and rips it up and throws the paper on mary so mary gets mad and starts to hit kim and kim looses it and starts swining on mrs.nosey and hurts her really bad and says "your not worth the trouble you cause and nobody here in this school likes you so you should just not come because your nothin but an ugly peace of seat belt! you smelly boar!" then mary cries and pulls out a big knife and tries to stab kim but kim pulls out a lighter and lights it! so mary says "whats that lighter going to do to my pretty body!" then kim says "well im going to burn you!" then kim starts to try to light the lighter but it won't light! so she get mad and throws it at mary and mary has had enough! she throws the knife at kim and stabs the wall behind her! so kim grabs the knife and cuts kim and then the cops come in and tazer kim an lock her up wile mary gets away with what she had done and still gets in outher peoples bussness!...the end!!!

JAIL!!!!

jack wanted to go out and get some candy and he diden't have any money so he decided to ask his mom and dad for some cash. so he see's his dad really busy in the yard planting flowers for his mom and he says "dad! i need money!" jack tells his dad in a meen way. then his dad turns around and yells very loudly "well ya know what! go out and get a job then you dum little kid! use your brain!" jacks dad yells very loudly for no reason. then his mom runs out of the house and says "hey! that flower is crooked! so i want it fixed now or ill kick your shoes around the house!" jacks mom shouted in a playfull voice! so then after that jack has had enough! he says to him self "i hate my parents! there crash test dummies! they get on my nerves and im to little to get a job but im not to little to beg for money!" jack yells in his little head! so then jack goes to wallmart and gets some candy and a pillow! so then he goes to pay for his items and when he gets at the register the lady says "that will be 7.50 for those items kideo". the lady tells jack. so then jack says in a normal voice "well tax money will pay for that but thanks though." so jack starts to walk away and the lady says "hey! get back here kid!".so then the kid starts running away and the cops catch him and he spits in a cops face so the cop shines the flash light in his face and he farts and starts to cry. then when he gets home he spits on the floor of his house and then he burps and then leaves a giant fart just like he did in walmart! then his dad gets up and grabs him and says "yo! you sick creature! i hate you! get up to your room or ill punch your bike seat!" so then he goes up stairs. .....the end!

The dum kid!

nick is working at his humble store on sunpuck street and an ugly woman comes in and pulls out a check from her pocket. so she  says "sign it! i need the money so sign the check! i want to buy a game so i won't be board anymore! now sign the check for 15 dollors or ill call the cops!" the mean ugly lady yelled at nick. so nick chuckles and the lady signs a paper that she calles her contract! so he gets her to sign the fake contract that was done on lined paper and she photo copies his signature and puts it on a check! so she tells him "you will only be billed 15 dollors for this game! i thank you for your signature!" so she goes to the bank and says "hi. i have a check that a guy gave me and its for 200,000 dollors!" and the lady behind the counter says "wow! thats alot of money!" so she gives her 200,000 dollors cash and she putes it in a big bag and buys a car and a bunch of junk from the flee market! so she goes back to nick and says "thanks for the 200,000 dollors!" then nick screams "what! you took 200,000 thousand dollors from my bank!" and the lady yells "yes!" so nick goes to the cops and he says to the cop "a lady stole 200,000 dollors from me and i want her arrested emeatly!" nick yells! and the cop says"you can't come in here yelling like that nerd!"then nick gets mad and sticks the middle finger up at the cop and the cop grabs him and he punches the cop in the balls and runs away and knocks a computer over on the way out! and then he starts breaking all the windows in all the offices and runs out the door and makes it home to his house and then he see's what he did on the news and then he gets a plane ticket to russia for 9,000 dollors and goes to russia and goes to a bar and he steels a bottle of soda and a guy comes out with a base ball bat and beats him over the arm with it and nick runs away! so then the next day he robs a grocery store for some money and gets 90,000 dollors in 1 day and he goes to a cab and steels his car and then an earth quake came and a rock hit his tire and he spun out and killed 14 people in a car and thenthe car explodes so he pulls out a check and tapes it to his cab that he took and it had his signature on it for 1 dollor. and then he lives his life happy and steels stuff everyday from everyware in russia!

THE UGLY GUY IN THE OFFICE!

Carrey wanted to ride his bike but his mom was mad at his dad for not cooking the chicken before he left for work dismorning. and woulden't let him out becauseshis mom got fired from her job because some guy named james was trying to spit on her wile she was on chat rooms and on google trying to put a virus on the system. but then she was eating her and a big wad af spit hit her beautiful muffen and contamenated it. so she wasent going to get phsyocal so she decided to spy on him that night and then she bought 10 dozen eggs and took all of her egs and threw them at his house and so did her kids and then they got in the car when the guy ran out in his bare feet chacing after them. so then he got mad and said "aaaggrrrraaaa!! ill get that scumbag tommorow! haha ill spit all over her muffens and ill get her so pissed off that she will turn blue! haha". so the next day the guy sees her going to her desk and see's her looking at some guys webcam and then he watches her go to the porno website and her phone rings and she presses reject so the guy sees there bos walk buy and taps him ans says look! she's being inaproperate! so he goes over and says " your fired!" so she crys and takes it out on carrey! carrey says "i want to  ride my bike now!" then the mom gets mad and gets her belt and swings at him but he runs and she brakes the window and he runs and then she pulls out a knife when a cop walks over to the door for some reason and carrey runs out of the house and she throws her knife and stabs the cop! and goes to jail and then she gets beat up and then she dies a year later for getting high and outher stuff in jail!



THE ANGRY COW!

When the farmer woke up in the morning he smelt coffie. He walks downstairs and notices the cow running loose in his back yard. He runns out of the house with his wip and beats the poor cow! Then the cow goes "mooooooowwww!" and the farmer goes inside and kicks his pet pig named gordie! Then the farmer see's coffie all over the place! he finds out that his pet parrot named lucy has knocked over the coffie and pooped on the kiction table. so the farmer says "ahhhh not again lucy!" then the farmer takes a dirty rag out of his back pocket and cleans the table as the cow rudly interupts his cleaning by smashing through the window and ransacking the whole entire house because the farmer beat him! so the farmer shoots his shot gun and misses and shoots his telivision and the telivision catchs on fire and burns the whole house down. now the farmer has to live in the back of his 1976 dodge pickup!